Every time I wonder how Allah(swt) has been so gracious on me that I cannot even imagine being able to thank Him for a fraction of what He has given me… I find myself blessed with much more than before.
Very recently, Allah(swt) set my heart at ease in all the ways that only He could. He responded to my dua’s so beautifully that I still cannot comprehend something so amazing and so nice could ever be mine to experience and cherish. It gave me one more reason to submit before His Will, even if I do not understand the wisdom behind a certain happening, because He’ll always guide me only to what is the best outcome.
What I am talking about here, right now, is marriage. I’m not married yet but I finally know who it’s going to be, Insha’Allah… and, even if it was humanly possible to say all the right words to thank Allah(swt) for this tremendous blessing, I’d still be unable to do so. Truly, Alhumdulillah is the most I can say… nothing more could ever do justice to how I feel about this.
It isn’t possible to say much, even on my personal blog, but I will share some of my thoughts, that I’ve been wanting to…
In this whole journey towards finding the ‘right one’, with all the up’s and down’s that only life’s most valuable and tender aspects are accompanied by, there was nothing more powerful than dua… praying earnestly to Allah(swt) for what I wanted. It seemed difficult… very difficult… and at times, I found myself doubting more than believing… but He responded, and when He did… everything made perfect sense.
Honestly, all the apprehension, the worrying for who it will be, where he’ll come from, what the family would be like, whether or not we’ll get along, how things will proceed… that became meaningless when Allah(swt) lifted the veil, ending all the mystery in one stroke. F (as he shall be known on this blog) and his family are all and more than I’d ever imagined… Alhumdulillah. =) Now, it seems as if every moment I had spent worrying about a future I had no control over, was indeed spent in futility. But perhaps… this realization that Allah(swt) will only do what is best for me, was only possible once I had known a time when I worried all I could and it didn’t change anything. That’s a realization that allows me to accept the ‘wasted moments’ too as part of the bigger learning process.
Then, there’s also the whole question of what’s really right for me. For years, I had a certain kind of image in mind of whom I’d like to marry. With that image, I felt I was looking for all the right things and that would ensure a happy union. Instead, I learned that just because I had build up that image with all the ‘good’ qualities I knew, that didn’t necessarily mean they had to come together in that way for me to find real joy. Even I didn’t know what would really bring me satisfaction and happiness in all the different aspects of married life. So, when the ‘right one’ came along and he was really nice but quite different from what I had initially imagined him to be, I prayed to Allah(swt) for guidance… and put my trust in Him. If He had brought me to this point, without any glaring reason to say ‘no’ (and of course, many reasons to say ‘yes’), this must be the best for me, without a doubt. Preconceived notions thus become meaningless and it’s taught me to always pray for the best, and not stick, inflexibly, to what I think is right for me.
Lastly… but most importantly… I have only just begun to understand why there is so much emphasis on marriage in Islam. According to one Hadith, getting married is ‘completing half your Deen’. I now begin to see why the Prophet(pbuh) said that about marriage. Even though I’m only engaged right now, I have suddenly started to notice things about my personality, my weakness, all the areas I need to improve on in my worship, that I was’t focusing on earlier. I don’t mean to imply that it’s only being engaged or married that makes you think along these lines, but it is such a big turning point in life that it makes you pause, reflect and try to fix things before the bigger challenges ahead. I try to read up all I can, to learn, to improve myself and to know how to avoid pitfalls many people find themselves in when starting out in a new relationship. Here too, I’m blessed with sisters in Islam who inspire me through their experiences and advice on how two imperfect human beings can still learn to lead a happily married life. =) Alhumdulillah.
I can go on about this… but later, Insha’Allah. The difficult part was figuring out how to write all this… and since that’s done, I can look forward to sharing much more… soon, Insha’Allah. =) I end this post with the sincere dua that may Allah(swt) grant the singles amongst us, spouses that will please them and be the best for them, for this world and the next. Ameen. My dua is also for Allah(swt) to make you happy the way He has made me happy… ameen… and all this is according to what He Knows is the best for us, at the best time and in the best way. Your dua’s would be very kind and valuable… JazaakAllahu khayran katheera. =)