Between Dusk and Dawn…

Some *scribble* *scribble* by Ameera

Learning to live…

The ways in which Allah(swt) tests me are strange indeed.

I’m now expected to go off on a tragic account of how terrible those tests are… but no, I shall not. That’s because, if there’s anything that these tests have really taught me, it’s that they’re not, by any means, without purpose.

Every bump in the road, every mountain of hope that’s turned to dust within seconds, has molded me into a stronger, wiser human being. They say it’s like purifying gold – only when the nuggets melt in the tough conditions of fire, do they let go of their impurities and become truly priceless in their worth. It was difficult but it was necessary to bring out the best from within, grow and achieve strengths you couldn’t imagine having before.

But how can I be talking of strength when the only feelings that overwhelm a person, on being severely tested, are of pain and intense weakness? To be hurt, crushed, rejected, repulsed, refused, denied… how does that have anything to do with strength? But it does, and that’s what time shows you… shows me… has showed me. Every time I faced a situation where I felt I was breaking apart deep within, I was in fact learning to face pain and fight it. In the moments and days that followed the initial blow, courage replaced fear and reason, born of faith, fortified the broken spirit. Standing up again needed learning how to stand, all over again, and all that revision did pay off. I learned how to stand up again faster, with more confidence.

It may sound odd that I blog about test and trials a lot but that is because my life is going through all sorts of changes these days. At my age, so much is changing on the personal level, on the academic level and in so many other less-well-defined ways that deep thought and reflection is almost a must. And I write about it, whatever I can, to have some thoughts clearly laid out… and also so that perhaps someone reading this blog may derive benefit for their own selves too, Insha’Allah.

I wish it were easy… that life was clear and defined. That there were no tests at all and we lived a life of total ease and bliss. But indeed, our tests also remind us that this life is only a mirage and the next life is the one really worth striving for. It takes a clever, yet simple person to see that these very tests we see as wrecking our lives, if understood right and responded to positively, may ultimately bring us closer the real life of eternal joy… and isn’t that what we have always wanted anyway?

And I’ll wrap this short post with an amazing Hadith I read today – it’s a Qudsi Hadith I’d never heard of before. Here it is…

Allah(swt) said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him.

Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him.

Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him.

Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him.

Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart.

Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware.‘”  [Tabarani]

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7 responses to “Learning to live…

  1. BrownS December 17, 2010 at 1:55 am

    May Allah SWT give you even more patience and may He ease your tests. I think it’s very mature of you (and a sign of Allah’s blessing and guidance) that He allowed you to have these realizations about your tests. It is too easy to get caught up in the details of each test and only focus on those and lose sight of the bigger picture – that there is a purpose behind trials, that the virtuous reaction is patience, and to turn even MORE to Allah.

    see that these very tests we see as wrecking our lives, if understood right and responded to positively, may ultimately bring us closer the real life of eternal joy”

    Subhanallah. This can be incredibly difficult to truly internalize. There are only two starkly different ways of responding to tests; it is the strong person who can rise above it and actually benefit themselves, not just scrape by.

    Thank you for sharing; one can always use such perspective.

    And that hadith is great mashaAllah. Very useful to remind oneself with about the higher plan.

    • Ameera December 19, 2010 at 5:28 pm

      JazaakAllah for those kind words and dua, Br Hidayath! Really, when you say it like that, it makes me sound stronger than I feel I am. But Insha’Allah, I hope to stay firm, whatever my ‘strength’ really is. You are right, it is easy to lost sight of the real purpose behind tests, and many times I do too. But Alhumdulillah, tests may also bring us back to Allah(swt) and thus become blessings in disguise. 🙂 I just saw this awesome talk by Sh Navaid Aziz, “He Who Has No One Has Allah(swt)”. It was truly inspiring, in the context of what we’re talking about here. 🙂

  2. uncarvedjewel December 17, 2010 at 2:42 am

    the only thing that my tests are doing to me r cry more, pray more n do nothing else. Capable i sure am.. was in fact… being reduced to nothingness.. so I ask, how is this test benefiting me when im not able to utilize nything n jst cry n pray..

    He can’t be selfish to let me be tested just because He likes the way i pray..

    Im having all these corrupt thoughts n questions.. surely it is a sign that my iman cant take it anymore.. He doesnt test one beyond his capacity.. .. i’ll shut up. just stuck..

  3. rafasyeda December 17, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Its strangely amazing, that in the midst of my experiencing, generally, the same things that you have mentioned here, He has led me to this exact post at this moment in time. Indeed, one of the greatest comforts is the knowledge that you are not alone, not ever, in the hardships that you face. Someone else will always understand, be it a close friend or a complete stranger.
    SubhanAllah.
    May Allah SWT give us strength, sabr, and the courage to move forward — no matter how much the rest of the world refuses to let us.

  4. Sammy December 17, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    First things first, I absolutely love the new look of your blog… very very classy!

    As for the post… sigh! I wish some things didn’t have to happen the way they do but I’ve come to realize that with every hardship/ test/ trial one’s just gotta pick up the pieces and move on. Over and over and over. The hadith is soooo relate-able, my God! Plus it helps clarify the “mystery” of why some people have so much in terms of wealth/ children and others don’t, why so-and-so lovely girl has everything but that (“that” referring to whatever she’s been lacking as perceived by our eyes) or why some people leave this world earlier than what we think should have been the right time to.

  5. Sara December 25, 2010 at 2:40 am

    Asslaaam Alaikum sister Ameera,

    I feel at times we attempt to endure our hardships and difficulties without understanding that there is a wisdom from Allah (SWT) behind the tests we are subjected to. He is trying to teach us something or sending us a message that we may initially fail to grasp. I’ve come to the same realizations as you about my own struggles, and come to recognize there is always a deeper meaning. It is my duty to learn from it and respond in a positive manner, Insha’Allah.

    BTW, that’s a beautiful Hadith. I had never read it until now either. JazakAllah khair for sharing.

  6. bucketofdreams January 11, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    SalaamAlaikum! I’m a reader of yours over at muslimmatters and find your writings to be great, MashaAllah. InshaAllah shall be adding you to my blogroll too. 🙂 About the hadith, here’s a something important: http://fajr.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/by-my-knowledge-of-your-heart/

    Plus, here’s the writer’s comment:

    I think there might be some misunderstanding on weak ahadith. There’s no problem in quoting them and contemplating over them (since the meaning is sound), numerous scholars including muhaddithin have ahadith which are weak in some of their works – the only thing is that the authenticity should be clear as it’s not correct to act upon the dha’if and seek ‘ibadah/reward through it etc.
    So insha’Allah, it’s fine to leave it up. Wallahu a’lam.

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