Between Dusk and Dawn…

Some *scribble* *scribble* by Ameera

Just because I smile…

… does not mean I have nothing to frown about.

It is often assumed that a person who is smiling and generally appearing cheerful to people, has no worries or concerns. It is assumed life is always rosy for such an individual and thus, why would he or she ever need to frown or cry?

Oh, how wrong that assumption is!

I generally go about the internet with a lot of ‘hehe’, ‘Lol’ and smiley faces. Whether it is a status update on Facebook or a tweet on Twitter, if I say something, I keep it either neutral or something with cheery undertones. That’s because, I don’t like sharing my troubles and worries on the internet where there are many strangers around. I also don’t like the idea of crying my heart out in public, getting sympathetic replies and exchanges… basically, letting everyone on my social network know about my personal issues.

There have been rare exceptions to this, though. I once tweeted several tweets from a night-shift during my Obstetrics posting at the hospital. It was during the small hours of the morning; I was exhausted after running around for various jobs with the ever present cries of pain from expecting mothers ringing in my ears. Having access to Twitter, I posted several tweets full of sadness, asking no-one in particular why I felt so ‘depressed’. Later, I didn’t like that at all and vowed not to tweet or say much at all when in a bad or depressed mood.

I know people say venting frustrations helps and that someone might be able to cheer you up. True, but to say it on a public forum and want sympathy from complete strangers, is just not right. Ask a friend,  sms them or call them up… that’s okay, but to do it without any particular reason and to just put it out there, is not a good idea, in my humble opinion.

There are drawbacks to this, though! People start assuming I have no concerns of my own while it is they have all the problems in the world. If I say ‘Alhumdulillah’ when asked, ‘how are you?’, it doesn’t mean I have no issues or that I wasn’t crying five minutes ago. It just means I’m looking beyond that and I don’t wish to make you upset by sharing it with you. I feel sad just like you do, I worry, I cry, I get upset but I don’t show it to you. I don’t post status updates on Facebook about how ‘horrible’ my day is going or tweet about about a sudden sink in my mood – but trust me, I do feel that way many times, just like any other human being.

This was something I always wanted to write about but never got around to it. Lately, though, I began to wonder if I should indeed let more people know that I consciously avoid sharing my ‘down’ times. It might help people see I don’t just say ‘Alhumdulillah’ because Allah(swt) put no tests on the paths of my life or that appearing cheerful means I am too ‘pious’ to be stung by life’s petty issues. I have a heart too and when it hurts, it hurts just as bad as any other human being’s heart does. The whole point is to know that patience means trying to smile through the pain and not throw a tantrum at the slightest challenge that Allah(swt) tests me with.

It’s difficult, yes – phenomenally difficult – to put on a smiling face for the world while it hurts inside… but then, I try and that, I hope, will help me pass the tests Allah(swt) has destined for me.

“And seek assistance through patience and prayer, and most surely it is a hard thing except for the humble ones.” (Qur’an 2:45)

(There are times I fail badly at showing any patience but there’s much to learn from those occassions too! More on this another day, Insha’Allah.)

Advertisements

2 responses to “Just because I smile…

  1. Aleeza September 27, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Something I’ve been wondering about too lately but Mashallah you put it so well in the light of Quran and your experiences. We are so lucky to have belief in divine power of Allah,enduring whatever He puts our way with the faith that He definitely has something better in store for us. It’s not easy to pass through life all smiling but yes you have to complain at times too to get yourself noticed (talking about general day to day life,doesn’t justify those “gotta headache”, “very ill and depressed” annoying status updates:P) and lest people start taking you for granted.

  2. Hena Zuberi November 29, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Salams Ameera,
    A belated Eid Mubarak. Wanted to hop by and give my salaams hope your studies and going well. May Allah SWT keep you safe and give you the istiqama always cover your sadness/frustration with smiley faces 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: