Coloring in what I desire…
June 23, 2010
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Sometimes, there are moments in life I wish I could paint in different colors. Forget what happened, erase it with a simple Ctrl+Z and have a white board to begin anew. An embarrassing memory, a sad incident, an argument, a missed opportunity to do something good, valuable time lost… I wish I could start afresh.
It’s so tantalizing to imagine what could have been rather than what actually happened. Moments, minutes, sometimes even an hour or so may be spent day-dreaming, working out the ‘how’ and the ‘why’ of whatever happened. Set up a new scenario, move around the key players, throw in twists and turns… it all sounds so good. Edit the dialogs for all sadness, add in apologies at the right moments, smiles to make everything right… and silence where it was needed. The outcome? Peace!
If only it were really that simple. But it’s not and that’s a fact. In the real world, where real people live, mistakes happen, hearts are hurt, intentions change and tears are shed. It’s part of what makes up life as we know it, not the life that we dream up inside our heads or tweak within our hearts. To live means to trust, to take risks with the knowledge that you might eventually be hurt… but also with the chance that you might find happiness. It’s not perfect but it’s based in fact, not the fake yet perfect world you may day-dream about for hours.
So every night as I lie down to sleep and go over the day’s events, I try to remind myself that Allah(swt) gives us chances to work on our mistakes and keep moving forward. As enticing it is to spend those moments imagining situations which never happened that way, I really need to strengthen my faith in Allah(swt) and look to tomorrow. Who know’s what’s going to happen then? And that’s where I have the chance to pick my paintbrush and paint the color of my desire.