Between Dusk and Dawn…

Some *scribble* *scribble* by Ameera

Softening a stone

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 “By Al-Asr (the time)!

Verily! Man is in loss!

Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the Truth, and recommend one another to patience.”

(Quran- Chapter 103: verse 1-3)

Each passing day, I reflect on my ownself and feel completely helpless and sad. The sense of helplessness arises when I see my own faults stand towering in front of me. What do I do? What will make my heart soft? What will drive the love for Allah into my heart? What will make me a conscious and aware Muslim?

The Quran was sent for the very purpose of guiding receptive hearts – hearts yearning for the love of Allah. Its words have such treasures of meaning locked into each verse that you can just go deeper and deeper, seeking out guidance for every aspect of life. The warnings, truly blessings from Allah, shake the soul. Why then is my heart so hard?

My heart influences the rest of my body. My eyes can hardly express a few measly tears when I think of my deeds. My skin, which responds instantly with goosebumps when I see a spider or think of exams, is cold and indifferent when I think of the fard actions and deeds that I have yet to make up. My smile, which disappears for a long time when I am ill, is quick to flash while my soul has been injured by the toxins of countless sins. My hunger and appetite change to no degree, in fear and worry for my accountability.

In this dismal picture, there is a shade of hope – a feeling from deep within. All might not be lost yet. This period of restlessness, of wrestling with my own deep-set notions and beliefs, the knowledge that change must come, and soon, for it to be in time… this is what gives me some hope. I am thinking, I am worrying, even it is worry for the sake of “why am I not doing more?”.

It’s time to return to the Quran and the basics of my Deen – a time to reflect deeper on the concepts of Tawheed and Shirk so that my heart is thawed from its core. The mind must, and will, InshAllah, submit by becoming alert and focused on the task at hand. In fact, this brain that I was leased by Allah, should now be put to its proper use – to come up with smart plans and strategies. After all, if I can put it to use in medicine, don’t Da’wah and Islah (starting within myself) have greater right that they be guided by intelligence and a planned approach?

 These are the questions that plague me these days as I go on with my life, studying medicine, working in the hospital, travelling, standing, sitting… I need Allah so much, I realize with every passing instant. And the more I know I need Him, the shorter goes my patience with my laziness and hestitation to seek the right course of action. Please pray for yourself and for me… for this awakening and lightning motivation to excell in faith and Taqwa before the last breath escapes our lips.

O Allah! Please do not forsake us in this hour of extreme need!

Please guide us and not let our hearts deviate from this Way we are upon, with your Grace and Honor!

You are aware of our terrible weakness and you are aware of our potentials for rising to challenges!

Select us for your Deen, O Allah, and lead us, step by step, on the Path to YOUR Pleasure! Ameen!

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