I don’t exactly remember when I came across his video first on YouTube but when I happened to see it after a long while again this Thursday night, it shook me. Really, I cannot describe with adequate words how I felt listening to him, watching him. He must be hardly eight in the video, young Hassan bin Abdullah Al Awadh, but his voice moves the heart.

So there I was at 1 am listening to him over and over and over again. Then I downloaded the audio into my iPod and listened to him before bed, the next morning, during my evening walk, when I got angry over something, on my way to back from college… you get the picture. By now, I’m sure I’ve gone on enough of a ramble to really stretch your patience.

(Translation of the recited verses available here: http://www.ummah.net/what-is-islam/quran/noble/nobe036.htm)

Who’s young Hassan then? A young boy who’s recited the initial verses of Surah Ya Seen in a video on YouTube, son of an Imam of a masjid in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. When they first put his video on YouTube, I don’t think they had an idea how would much people would love it… that it would trigger off a sharing spree. People ask if he has a CD out. The more inquisitive minds want to know who he is. Where does he live? Who taught him?

The Quran is not an ordinary book, it is the Word of Allah(swt) and when recited, especially by a Qari with an exquisite voice, it is difficult to stay dry-eyed. The eyes automatically well up with tears, a fluttery sensation fills the heart and you know it is not something any man could put forward. If you can understand Arabic to any extent, it carries massive weight and immediately affects you, feeling as if there’s no-one else around… just you and your Lord. The words have direct impact, anger and sadness subsides, leaving an intense motivation to get up, make something of yourself and please Allah(swt) the way he wants you to!

Watching and listening to Hassan made me wonder about so many things. The powerful words of Surah Ya Seen were themselves enough to prompt self analysis. However, it also made me wonder about the reciter himself, whom Allah(swt) has blessed with such a beautiful voice. It is evident that he is in the constant company of the best reciters, who’ve taught him so well MashAllah. I also thought about the kind of environment he must have at home that he’s reciting with all the intricate rules of Tajweed at an age so tender. His mother, what an amazing woman she must be to have raised such a sweet child, MashAllah! What lessons did she teach him, setting the solid foundation for a soul that seeks to purify itself? Really, the beautiful tones in which this child recites indicates all these things about his life – his inner self literally shines through… that’s how it is with reciting the Quran with a sincere heart.

I also wondered about his future. I hope and pray he becomes a scholar of Islam through the magnificent talents that he has, that Allah(swt) has made known to us about him. We need these young children to grow up in Islam, nurtured by sincere and upright Muslim families, to become the leaders of tomorrow. Confident in their faith, trusting in Allah(swt), drawing closer to Him through His Words… that is the process of purification that produces strong believers.

Hassan has recited other portions of the Quran and a small handful of videos of him during a visit to Bosnia in 2007 show him to be about twelve or thirteen years old. His voice has matured slightly with age, lowering in pitch, but of course that does not reduce the beauty of the recitation in any way. In fact, it made me so happy to know he’s reciting and will possibly come forward as a well known Qari as he grows older InshAllah. Based on his videos, he seems like a modest young boy, nonetheless confident… a mark of a person well grounded in faith, may Allah add strength to it! Only those with strong faith can remain modest and shy while so much attention is turned towards him but the Shaitan is always at play and thus, I pray for Hassan sincerely.

I’ve learned so much from Hassan just listening to him recite those verses full of meaning. I’ve also learned about the importance of giving children the right upbringing and the massive benefits of doing that. Hassan proves you can become very knowledgeable in the Quran even at a young age. Very frankly, if I ever have a son, I’d be greatly blessed in so many ways if I could teach him, guide him, inspire him to be like the cute little boy who moved my heart with his sweet voice. Alhumdolillah, I have Hassan’s example right before me to inspire and motivate my own self for something so crucial and so rewarding.

I was supposed to go to my University today but I didn’t and this is why: two suicide bombers blew themselves up in the International Islamic University in Islamabad. Six people fell victim to this heinous crime while dozens were injured. One of the attackers actually disguised himself and managed to get to the girls cafeteria where he detonated his bomb. Following the incident, schools, colleges and Universities will remain off till Sunday, across Pakistan.

The first thought that comes to mind is how low could the attackers and their planners get that they could attack students with such impunity? What were they thinking? How did they justify it and put their consciences to sleep – that t00 for so-called “religious” causes?

There’s another belief that all such attacks on Muslims in Pakistan could never have been carried out by fellow Muslims. Such ideas are backed up pieces of evidence indicating direct as well as indirect involvement of “foreign agencies” in a highly complex scenario of vested interests driving a myriad of events.

Unfortunately,  with all the bloodshed, we now have a highly confusing situation on our hands that is certainly dividing the nation. I receive messages and emails from fellow Pakistanis urging people to recognize the “real” enemy and not be “deluded” into thinking the Taliban are behind the killings. Such people exhort the Taliban and whoever supports them, believing them to be the ultimate savior for Muslims in Pakistan (and even across the world!).

Surprisingly, some even believe the Taliban is in fact an extension of foreign agencies’ evil schemes and thus, such people would lump up the Taliban as one big conspiracy too. Thus, “Muslims could never kill Muslims like this” is their mantra every time a vicious incident takes place.

However, if you talk to refugee families from the conflict-ridden areas, they will tell you how people they initially thought were their helpers and leaders (Taliban, etc.) turned upon them later on. Extortion, kidnapping for ransom and routine harassment then exposed the true nature of these people to the innocent villagers. The common people admitted their mistake of initially lending their support to these Muslim brothers “in the name of Jihad” but later had to suffer themselves.

So what is going on? Why is all of this happening? What are the motives?

I’ll admit I do not have a single clue as to the real situation. I do know we have Muslims with totally distorted ideas of killing other Muslims “for the greater cause”, whatever that is… so I will not attempt to turn a blind eye and glorify them. I also know there are vested interests out to secure their interests, just as was done in Iraq. I also know there are common criminals who jump into the frey whenever confusion abounds to see what they can possibly get out of it in terms of wealth and power.

However, the biggest problem in all of this is that we do not know the truth and because of that, I cannot possibly stay united with my Muslim sister, for example, in her claim that we must “fight the enemy” when I am not even convinced the enemy is one single, definable entity.

Some people have twisted notions of battles in the name of Islam and their brains have become totally addled by all the war hype. Such are the people who totally sadden me: lacking direction, driven by vague ideas, making no sense when they speak and seeing things as either “black” or “white” and thus oversimplifying the entire complex scenario. In fact, this was what led me to write this right now – the madness that is driving the educated people in this nation today.

A confused mix of “religiosity”, nationalism, pessimism and a tendency to see a conspiracy in every tiny thing – that’s what’s going on. The Qur’an and the Sunnah, the wisdom that is required and the need to refrain from knee-jerk responses have all been forgotten. Why don’t people open their eyes already and realize the common Pakistani Muslim is not what they are glorifying him to be? Why don’t they realize we have so much work to do, to being people to the practice of Islam as taught by the Prophet(pbuh) and not drag them off into half-baked ideas of “martyrdom” all stemming from nationalism? Most of all, why don’t people realize all this confusion only helps the original enemies of Islam who have opposed it from the time of the Prophet(pbuh)?

To set things back on the right track, the Pakistani Muslim first needs to free himself of such baseless notions of “Pakistan is the bastion of Islam”, ignoring all the un-Islamic acts that he commits in his daily life. How many Pakistanis actually offer the five daily prayers in the masjid? Killings, “honor crimes”, lying, cheating, corruption, ignoring traffic rules, domestic abuse all happen in Pakistan. If you don’t admit it, you’re never going to change and there are no “short cuts” available.

Whatever is going on today, only one thing is for sure: Allah(swt) is the Only One Who is aware of the real situation and we ask Him to guide us to what is right for us. Yes, we Muslims have failed miserably in our duties but, in seeking to improve upon our knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah and implementing it in ourselves, spreading it in our areas of influence, we can find the right way again.

The important thing is Hikmah… wisdom. If we lose this, as many people are demonstrating to, may Allah protect us!

I didn’t know what to do just then. My mind was totally blank for a moment… exactly when I needed it to work the most. I stared at the mobile phone in my hand, with a partly composed message to my teacher. I had to tell her I couldn’t make it to class today. Yes, that’s what I had to do.

Midterm exams are closing on. I hadn’t done my laundry and it would be hard to find proper clothes for going to the class. I looked around at my room to buy some time and spotted my college books. I remembered the difficult day at college I’d just had and grabbed my head in my hands. Why was it so difficult to do this? Why not skip class and study for the exams?

I’d missed last week’s class too. I stayed home and studied that afternoon and slept a little too… but every glance at the wall clock reminded me of what my fellow students would be studying in class, while I had held back. Later that week, a couple of days ago, I had heard a wise person say, “you only make time for things you really want to do.” How true that had been and the guilt underneath the surface had bubbled up, as if it was there just waiting for a trigger!

And today, I was again faced with the same dilemma – should I stay home? The exam is only five days away, a voice in my head reminded me.

“Yeah,” I thought. “But I guess I could spare three hours and study more over the coming days to make for it.”

The voice in my head changed to a different reason – clothes not ready.

“Yeah,” I thought. “But I could wash a dress quickly… still got about an hour and a half before class starts.”

And your unfinished assignments, which you have been lazy about? Just don’t go, you can always do them this week and give them the next rather than showing up without them!

“Well but…”

I then thought of what I’d be missing and the voice quickly said I could always catch hold of my classmates’ notes. And my help-out duties after the class? The voice in my head quickly suggested I message a fellow classmate to help out with that.

“Okay…”

Besides, the voice suggested, look at what you’ve become! You’re so “low” that you can’t really get any lower. All these classes, have they really had any effect on you? It all bounces off you! You go, you listen, you come home – end of the story! Even now, you’ve reached such a point that you can’t decide which deal’s better for you! Come on, one more missed class won’t kill you.

“But I wasn’t like this before! I knew my priorities, I used to jump at opportunities to get to the class, among such classmates and now, I’m debating between lousy midterm exams that won’t even be marked in the final grade this semester and my class, which is priceless?”

I turned the mobile over, feeling miserable. I’d have to go ahead and do the dreaded. I poised my thumbs to complete the message to my teacher, trying to think of words that wouldn’t sound lame. I paused again. Something was just not right. Ameera, you’re not who you used to be…

NO! This. Is. Not. The. Right. Thing. To. Do!

Each word was punctuated by my thumb tapping on the mobile – somehow, the message I had half-typed out symbolized the wrongness of the situation and as such, needed to be singled out for a bashing.

You’re mad, the voice in my head shouted at me in disbelief. It almost shook my resolve.

“No, I need this the MOST right now!” I said to the voice. “I need to be as far away from you as I can right now! Yeah… yeah, I’ll find clothes. I’ll do the assignments… I’m going!”

I jumped up, rummaged through my cupboard, quickly washed a shirt I wanted to wear and tossed it into the dryer. I grabbed the half-finished assignments and started completing them. I typed one out on my computer within ten minutes (sometimes, typing is faster than writing it out with a pen). I ironed my clothes as quick as possible, assembled my books and soon was on my way.

Two hours ago, I came back from the class. It was like a fresh breath of air, not at all how the voice kept trying to convince me it would be. I needed to be with my classmates, with my teachers. I needed to take that time to step back and take stock of my situation. The voice that kept holding me back wasn’t trying to help me at all! This week, I’ve been taking that voice’s advice a lot and oh, how I decayed and deteriorated because of that!

Go ahead, it used to tell me, and tell your sister how mean so-and-so was (a.k.a. backbiting). Forget the Sunnah and Nawafil this time. There’s still time to sunrise, you can sleep in a little longer. There’s no time for the Qur’an today, there’s too much to do, it would distract you. Shout at your sister, she won’t listen otherwise!

Go ahead, it prodded me and I listened to it, blindly accepting everything. Last week, I’d listened to a similar idea that voice had dangled before me tantalizingly – a Saturday off from the class… and I’d caved in. Not this week… Alhumdolillah.

When someone deceives you and you find out, that’s the end of any trust that existed between you two. But then, why is it that this voice that deceives me repeatedly, was responsible for deceiving my parents, Adam(as) and Hawwa(as) is my close aide, confidante and trustee? A voice that whispers into me ear, eager to see me lose out on all joy, is my chosen friend? Why is it that when I am at the verge of doing wrong and I know the voice is egging me on, I chose to listen to it rather than to what I know is right?

Writing it out helps. After all, if together we don’t write about the wrong that is done to us and we don’t expose deceivers, how will we recognize them the next time they dare cross our paths?

O mankind! do your duty to your Lord, and fear (the coming of) a Day when no father can avail aught for his son, nor a son avail aught for his father. Verily, the promise of Allah is true: let not then this present life deceive you, nor let the Chief Deceiver (Satan) deceive you about Allah.(Qur’an 31:33)

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“And when you (Muhammad SAW) see those who engage in a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur’ân) by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn to another topic. And if Shaitân (Satan) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the wrongdoers.” (Quran 6:68)

“And when they hear Al­Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: “To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.” (Quran 28:55)

“And those who do not witness falsehood, and if they pass by some evil play or evil talk, they pass by it with dignity.” (Quran 25:72)

In recent days and even years, I’ve thought a lot about the right way to deal with particular situations that I face often. It’s about incessant arguments and heated debates between “Muslims” who have very little, not even the basic knowledge about their own Deen (and by choice, not because they did not have an opportunity to learn). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about people who’re unaware of the right Islamic teachings but those who enjoy picking out what they see as “flaws” in Islam and then debate them in unbecoming ways, with an attitude that aims to push you into a corner under a barrage of allegations. This is a small group of society that is determined to not only abandon its faith but also demean it and those who are adhering to it.

The topic of the debate is usually some incident in Islamic history or some practise of Islam – there sounds the bell and the wrestling match begins! Perosnal views, long held beliefs, guesses and even incredulous, exaggerated and fabricated remarks are all pitched against one another. One round ends only to signal the start of another round. No personality, no character is spared an attack but you won’t see angry mobs out protesting against this because, of course, these are Muslims conversing and then again, in the comfort and privacy of their drawing rooms. Yes, a “drawing room” discussion and we all know what that’s about!

Shocking and painful as these discussions are, to hear such ignorance and careless regard for Allah’s Deen being discussed in a pseudo-intellectual way, under the guise of a good cause – “pondering and increasing knowledge” – yeah, right! Please spare me! Asr and then Maghrib time come and go by but the questions ”What is the concept of prayer in the Quran? Is it meditation? How do we do it? And what are the exact timings?” are not settled.

Initially, I used to sit in and share what I knew from the Quran and Sunnah, wondering how grown-ups could know so less about so simple matters. However, what I heard in those discussions shocked my ears and twisted my insides  in disgust - some of the things I can never repeat, such wild and senseless character assassinations those were, sparing not even the family and being of Prophet(pbuh) whom Allah(swt) Himself describes as being  ”upon the highest standards of character.” (Quran 68:4)

Sa`d bin Hisham asked `A’ishah about the character of the Messenger of Allah , so she replied: `Have you not read the Qur’an?’ Sa`d said: `Of course.’ Then she said: `Verily, the character of the Messenger of Allah was the Qur’an.’ (Saheeh Muslim)

The only reason I sat there was to somehow introduce the real facts into the discussions but I learned my lesson after a long, long period of time. The very intent of these discussions, to dissect and question every command that Allah(swt) gives in the Quran, to twist Islam into what they want for themsevles rather than what Allah(swt) wanted… it showed the futility of the whole exercise in the name of “pondering and reflecting”. A Muslim submits – Islam means submission to Allah(swt)’s Will and finding peace through that - not pitching a whining question -”but why this way, Allah? Why? Why? Why?” – at ever command!

So, initially, I sat with them but later, I started to realize it was not the right way of utilizing my time. “You should counter them if you believe you have the answers,” one could say but really, a Muslim’s job is not to sit down with fellow Muslims who cannot find the humility to bend their ego before Allah(swt), and then point out to them the obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being proud or anything but I speak from years of experience – sad memories – of being asked the question, “How do you know the Quran is authentic and unaltered? Besides, I can’t rely on these Maulvi people’s interpretations!” or “Perhaps even the Prophet went to idols? And you know what – I bet he did this and that too…” Astaghfirullah, I only quoted this to let you know the silliness of their arguments and why it was futile to be in such discussions. Will you not agree?

Later on, when I started moving, solely due to Allah(swt)’s guidance, from a being “Muslim by name” to a “Practising Muslim”, I too (or atleast my kind of people) became the subject of discussion. Then, it became quite personal and even more so, I was expected to answer their questions, just so they could refute me by brining in senseless arguments, with no evidence from the Quran or Sunnah. Of course, it was all under the seemingly harmless inquiry of “Did you read that verse in the Quran?” or “You know, Maulvi (a certain stereotype of a Muslim scholar) people do this and that?” Look at the way the question is framed, to make it seem as if they are genuinely interested in learning the right thing but let me tell you, it ends up with “Your idea of covering up is all wrong – there is no Hijab in the Quran” or “The five prayers have not been mentioned in the Quran! We need to interpret the Quran correctly” or even “Don’t talk to me about these Ahadith! I can’t stand it! We can interpret the Quran without all these made up stories!”

“Verily, those who dispute about the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allâh, without any authority having come to them, there is nothing else in their breasts except pride [to accept you (Muhammad SAW) as a Messenger of Allâh and to obey you]. They will never have it (i.e. Prophethood which Allâh has bestowed upon you). So seek refuge in Allâh (O Muhammad SAW from the arrogants). Verily, it is He Who is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer.” (Quran 40:56)

I’ve now come to realize, Alhamdolillah I feel this is a tiny part of wisdom in Deen that I have gained, that it is not an obligation on me to refute such arguments. It is a waste of time and energy when I could be doing better things for Islam. The best way to counter this, after knowing it to be false and vain talk, is to increase the efforts to spread Allah(swt’s) Deen, enlighten those who have the sincere yearning and desire to learn the Truth and thus, achieve something. Allah(swt) has commanded us to invite to His way and to advise others to good while admonishing them against evil in a decent way.

“Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islâm), enjoining Al-Ma’rûf (i.e. Islâmic Monotheism and all that Islâm orders one to do) and forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islâm has forbidden). And it is they who are the successful.” (Quran 3:104)

This realization has brought peace to me. I do not feel guilty about not refuting every single “argument” brought forth by people, just as an excuse to cover up their own lackings in Salah, etc. When someone raises a question and I know, through experience or instinct, that the intent is not good, I avoid the discussion or move out of the area for a while, so that I would not have to hear those ignorant exchanges. It pains me when Allah(swt)’s simple Deen is ridiculed with such abandon, without fear that they will face up to Allah(swt) one terrible Day and He will ask us all, “Well, what did you do?” What will we answer when He asks us about our Salah? And when He asks us upon what basis did we ridicule His Messenger (saw) whose words and deeds, preserved in the Sunnah (by Allah(swt)) were supposed to be our guide?

Recently, my new resolve was put to test several times, such as…

“We still haven’t defined Allah – first tell me what is the definition of Allah!”

There was much worse but I cannot quote it here for the sake of decency. Alhamdolillah, even though it was as painful as ever, I was able to end the discussion quickly or go away for a while, until the topic was changed (as Allah(swt) commands). I tried to shut out the sad feelings, pray for their guidance and go on to listen to some Islamic talk online or listen to the Quran. I’ve also learned, through Islamic sources, that the right thing to do is to spend more time with pious, Allah-conscious Muslims and try to strengthen Imaan together while restricting meetings of the wrong sort, where Allah(swt)’s commands are ridiculed, to a bare minimum or at least, keep them at a level where I can interact with them in a good way (such as short visits, etc.).

Perhaps you have found yourself in such situations too but were unsure of what to do. In that case, I hope what I have concluded will benefit you as well. If you have got more to share, please leave a comment – I might benefit from your knowledge InshAllah. It would be great if you gave the reference to an Ayah or Hadith, as appropriate. I’m sure this is not the last time I shall write about this, but for now, I’ve said enough. I leave you with powerful words, may Allah guide us to Him…

“Shall We then treat the (submitting) Muslims like the Mujrimûn (criminals, polytheists and disbelievers, etc.)? What is the matter with you? How judge you? Or have you a Book through which you learn. That you shall have all that you choose? Or you have oaths from Us, reaching to the Day of Resurrection that yours will be what you judge.
Ask them, which of them will stand surety for that! Or have they “partners”? Then let them bring their “partners” if they are truthful! (Remember) the Day when the ‘Shin’ shall be laid bare (i.e. the Day of Resurrection) and they shall be called to prostrate (to Allâh), but they (hypocrites) shall not be able to do so.
Their eyes will be cast down, ignominy will cover them; they used to be called to prostrate (offer prayers), while they were healthy and good (in the life of the world, but they did not). Then leave Me Alone with such as belie this Qur’ân. We shall punish them gradually from directions they perceive not. And I will grant them a respite. Verily, My Plan is strong.” (Quran 68:35-45)

As a rule, man’s a fool
When it’s hot, he wants it cool
When it’s cool, he wants it hot
Always wanting what is not

Ever since I first read the above in a magazine advert for an airconditioner, I’ve found it applied very well to several situations I found myself in. Yesterday, again, it proved true. The monsoon was being eagerly awaited by Pakistan and Karachites especially, feeling the heat and also developing all varieties of weather-related ailments, scanned the skies for rain clouds. Being an absolute fanatic when it comes to rain, I was following a particular rain system on weather.com for the past couple of days and yes, it did bring rain starting Friday night. However, the jubilant outburst was quickly to turn into prayers for the rain to go away and the lines I’ve quoted above proved true once again.

Pakistanis, exemplified by Karachites, have a thing for outings and with such glorious weather, what else could be expected but for people to turn out in parks and on the beach to celebrate the onset of the monsoon? As for me, I woke on Saturday morning to a dark-grey, ready-to-burst overcast sky and went off to make breakfast for the family as the first showers began. Exams having ended on Thursday, cooking was a delight in itself and I made Chicken Handi and Parathas. It was the first time I made parathas and thankfully, they turned out great (except for one odd-shaped individual!). Then, expecting relatives in the evening, I went on to bake a cake in the afternoon. However, it turned out that we were to visit our Mamu (uncle) who lives in the beachfront “Seaview” apartments so we all got busy preparing to visit him.

It was raining heavily and, giggling delightfully, we managed to get into our car without getting too wet. The journey there was, although a little longer than usual as we looked for clear roads, pretty much fun and soon, we were having tea and snacks at our Mamu’s. Later, there was a spell of very heavy rain and we helped our Mamu clear out some water that was dripping through defects in the ceiling. Now, we probably should have set out for home then, before Maghrib, as Karachi’s roads have a tendency to flood quickly, despite all manner of drains being built recently, and there’s no way to swim home really! However, we set off to another Mamu’s place closeby and there, the large party all us relatives had made, plus the delicious food that was being prepared for the occassion, made us stay on. We didn’t really have much choice anyway I suppose because with a sudden gust of wind and lightning in the sky, there was a massive downpour and we delayed our jouney home. However, it was getting late so we decided to set off anyway.

When there are strong winds in Karachi, electricity cables tend to get snapped and with water flooding streets narrow and wide, the electricity supply is turned off to prevent any electrocution accidents. Also, the electricity transmission system often fails because of rain-related faults. When we set off from our Mamu’s house, it was dark and our car’s headlights showed just how flooded the lanes already were. We took the same route for home but all that rain made progress slow. My father talked of taking this lane and that and I thought to myself how we could, considering that certain roads were more prone to flooding.

We turned on to a major road and found ourself in a traffic jam. I looked over on the other side of the road, the on-coming side, and… gulped. It was absolutely flooded and people were seen pushing their cars in the water-logged lane, some standing to a side and some trying to find alternate modes of travel. Our side of the road was also filling up and when the traffic jam persisted for a while, it was clear we were, literally, in deep water. We could only imagine how the scene would be further on. Suddenly, my sister said somethign about water in the car and sure enough, water was filling up in the floor of the car… we pulled our feet up!

My father put the car into first gear and, with all sorts of bubbling and grumbling sounds coming from our poor Corolla, we literally swam through the rising water looking for a side-lane that was less flooded. My hopes were going down as rain continued to lash upon us when I saw a traffic warden guiding people to a better route. Just then, our car rocked gently from side to side… it was the water all around us, lapping at our car doors in waves, even washing over the front bonnet, that rocked the car from side to side. That was scary. Alhamdolillah, the desperate move that my father made at that instant to turn into a lane was the first good news and we found ourselves on our way home.

The streets being flooded and enveloped in darkness, the only sign of life were the struggling motorists, pedestrians and motorcyclists whereas all the shops and other businesses were closed. It was all silent except for the gurgling nature of our journey as the car waded through water. Drawing cloer to home, the water on our route got deeper and all sorts of alternate plans of deserting the car and wading our way home came to mind. We had a couple of close calls when, as we waded into a particular lane, the water rose so high that the car almost gave up but Alhamdolillah, after a nerve-wrecking, trial-and-error spell, we got home. We could not believe, having travelled through all that water, that we’d manage to even draw close to our home, let alone reach it!

Home was a luxury and comfort that I suddenly felt intensely grateful for and it hurt to think of all the families still stuck out there in the city, trying to make their way home through the darkness. Our apartment was dry and warm, something I felt so guilty about just then. We even have a stand-by generator in our apartment building so, while there was darkness all around, we had electricity too, more reason for guilt that others were not as fortunate. I turned on the radio while my family busied themselves in drying up, offering their Isha prayers (and Nawafil of gratitude too!) and recounting their inner thoughts and fears during the journey. Mobiles and the radio was the only source of news just then, for the cable networks were out too and the phones were dead. One live radio show, where people were calling in with their stories, told how Karachi was suffering in the rains, which as we were to find out later, broke a 30-year record. The radio show host was also asking for information on alternate routes people could seek to travel by, where water levels were lower, so I tried calling in with whatever I could share. I did get through and, with a slight stutter from nervousness (it was going live all over Pakistan!), I was able to share our story in a few words. We also found out how people missed their airplanes and patients were unable to get to hospitals because of the crippled transport.

Life surely gets paralysed in Karachi very easily, unfortunately, for a multitude of reason that can’t be described in this post right now. Being the largest and most important city, problems here mean a lot more than they would in a smaller town. As I write this now on Sunday evening, electricity has just been restored to about sixty percent of the city (including our place) after twenty hours without power although the phone lines are still down. During the day, it drizzled occassionally and although the weather system that brought all this rain has moved on, even the slightest bit of shower suddenly did not evoke feelings of joy. I was continually reminded of this Hadith:

Narrated Sharik bin ‘Abdullah bin Abi Namir: I heard Anas bin Malik saying, “On a Friday a person entered the main Mosque through the gate facing the pulpit while Allah’s Apostle was delivering the Khutba. The man stood in front of Allah’s Apostle and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! The livestock are dying and the roads are cut off; so please pray to Allah for rain.’ ” Anas added, “Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) raised both his hands and said, ‘O Allah! Bless us with rain! O Allah! Bless us with rain! O Allah! Bless us with rain!’ ” Anas added, “By Allah, we could not see any trace of cloud in the sky and there was no building or a house between us and (the mountains of) Sila.” Anas added, “A heavy cloud like a shield appeared from behind it (i.e. Sila’ Mountain). When it came in the middle of the sky, it spread and then rained.” Anas further said, “By Allah! We could not see the sun for a week. Next Friday a person entered through the same gate and at that time Allah’s Apostle was delivering the Friday’s Khutba. The man stood in front of him and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! The livestock are dying and the roads are cut off, please pray to Allah to with-hold rain.’ ” Anas added, “Allah’s Apostle I raised both his hands and said, ‘O Allah! Round about us and not on us. O Allah! On the plateaus, on the mountains, on the hills, in the valleys and on the places where trees grow.‘ So the rain stopped and we came out walking in the sun.” Sharik asked Anas whether it was the same person who had asked for the rain (the last Friday). Anas replied that he did not know.

(Sahih Bukhari)

Thus, we must be careful in what we earnestly desire for. This has reminded me to ask for Allah’s blessings that will be good for us and not simply asking for something without measure. Too much of anything is harmful and duas for rain must, therefore, be based on the immense wisdom highlighted in the Hadith quoted above.

“You are the best Ummah singled out for mankind; you enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah.” 
(Quran 3:110)

__________________________________________________________

Every Sunday is the same – I pick up the newspaper’s weekend supplement and soon find myself digusted with its contents. The thick magazine that is issued every Sunday with the Dawn newspaper has several sections – columns by various writers, news about celebrities, new movies, fashion pages, song albums, gardening tips and technology updates. Very obviously, it caters to the middle class and elites of our society, the segment of the the population that actually reads the english language daily Dawn newspaper.

 Now, what is it that makes me fling aside the paper with disgust on a calm Sunday morning? Well, here’s how it goes: every weekend, I like to settle down with a cup of tea after breakfast for some enjoyable reading – after all, the magazine often has informative and even hilarious articles. However, over the past few years, there has been a growing trend for the newspaper to regularly feature columns and articles that poke fun at, and even challenge, some of aspects of our Deen. Coming from “Muslims”, it is alwaysunpleasant. There are many things a Non Muslim would say that we would brush aside as stemming from ignorance but when a Muslim says it out loud, with great aplomb, in a renowned newspaper, it is deeply saddening. I can never grow immune to that.

With the rebels wreacking havoc in the Pakistan under the guise of an “Islamic” movement, the media has shed a lot of light on the fallacies of their movement and often point out all the places these people are detracting from Islam. However, it seems as if many people have even taken this as an opportunity and a free license to air their long held, half-baked views on Islam in general, questioning and challenging even the most authentic and core principles of Islam. It is this phenomenon that has hit the newspapers too and suddenly, you have articles by every Tom, Dick and Harry talking of and even poking fun of religion and practising Muslims.

One of the hot topics in this age of capris-wearing and dupatta-shedding women is centered on women covering up. Dawn seems to be giving a lot of space to people who write on this. Every other week or so, some pointed reference or a whole article even is found devoted to this.
Why do you have to cover up? What are the benefits? How can women be ‘liberated’? That’s what it’s always about. Sometimes, there’s barely disguised venom, other times there are attempts to gloss over the whole thing with a seemingly neutral point of view, whereas it’s quite clear what the writer is trying to say. One particular writer wonders whythere is a new wave in the upper middle and elite classes to frequent Quran circles and cover up – yes, the writer’s a Muslim. She goes on to praise the young, hip Pakistani woman who dresses up in a “modest way” (read capris, sleeveless, no dupatta, etc.) without going all Hijab-ey!

Don’t these people stop and think for one tiny moment what they are challenging, what they are speaking against? It is the Quran and Sunnah the clearly spell out the laws, not any ordinary person and yet, many “Muslims” get away with such propoganda as the readers praise them for their “valuable points”, “eye-opening revelations” and what not. Really, if this isn’t contagious, I wonder what is?

Going beyond Hijab, there seems to be an unwritten policy to exclude from print all articles and comments that refer to religion directly with quotes from Islamic sources. Let’s not even go to Quranic verses or Ahadith, the very mention of the word Allah or and other religious reference in the article disqualifies it from being published. One of my articles was published last Ramadan, in which I had spoken about preparing for Ramadan. My article didn’t even focus on the “spritual” aspect of the preparation – it was about things like shopping early, making healthy foods and so on. When the article was printed, it was under the section of “Detox Diet”, altering the premise of the article quite a bit. Next, they had moved to edit out words like Sunnah, Taraweeh, Suhoor and completely cut out the tiny bit in the end where I had mentioned how, by preparing well, we could have more time for worship in Ramadan. To top it off, the article was illustrated with the image of a half-eaten burger that now looked like a cresent. Well ofcourse, isn’t Ramadan all about eating? I do not know what I was thinking when I attempted to point to something else!

As I said in my last post, we are a society teeming with contradictions and double standards. It’s easy to speak against religion when you are a Muslim because at the end of the day, you’re still a Muslim and no one’s going to boycott you if you play your words well. A’oodhobillah!  And we wonder why we are so downtrodden despite being “chosen” by Allah(swt) to lead the world in all that is good.

Summer is heating up,  despite all the talk about the sun being puzzlingly cooler than usual. While the monsoon won’t be here for another month or so, it’s the time of the year, especially in Pakistan, when several fruits make their appearance on the scene. The Mango trees are revving up for the season and already, we’ve got unripe mangoes, which are called “kairi” or “kairiyaan” (plural) in Urdu, that are used to prepare a sweet ‘n sour dessert. Having lived in Saudi Arabia all my childhood with only occasional visits to Pakistan, the hype and hoopla surrounding this fruit was something I learned while I was probably still a toddler. It’s not an exaggeration, really! I’ve got picture of me as a toddler next to a metal bucket full of mangoes, and mango pulp on my face and clothes – the madness!

The mango holds a very central position – scratch that – a very royal rank in South Asia, being irrefutably referred to as the “King of Fruits”. Now, while I dispute that for my own reasons, I wouldn’t go and announce that to a group of ‘mango mad’ South Asians for fear of a good berating in return. As soon as mangoes hit the market, they will be  all that you’ll see, hear and possibly eat for dessert (after lunch and dinner) for a couple of months. There are innumerable varieties, they follow each other as the season progresses and never will you find people passing up the latest variety because they’ve “had enough mango” – it’s just not possible!

The older generations, especially those like my father who spent their childhood years running about in the mango farms in India, reminisce about all the different natural (‘tukhmi’ mangoes) varities they had and how they’d have huge mango festivals. On the other hand we, who have been raised in the cities with sparse exposure to village life,  can relate more to mango dices, milkshakes, curries (yes, curries!), pickles, juices, sorbets, souffles and of course – ice creams! That’s really how versatile mangoes are – you could keep coming up with ways to have them and in the end, they’d still taste yummy even if you had they as they are.

Mangoes can make people react in all sorts of ways, as I mentioned earlier. Criticise the status of the mango as the “King of Fruits” and you’re in for a bashing. The politiking that goes on during a mango session after meals is also very interesting. Some people meticulously prepare their plate or bowl of mango to their taste and if you happen to nick a teensy bit, be ready to face the consequences. Also, if one person has prepared a plate of sliced mangoes and another person’s interested in having one or two, it’s not a ‘gift’ most of the time… it’s a deal! Yes, so if I take two slices from my sister’s plate, it need not be said that when I slice up my own mango, she has a rightful share in mine. While this might seem quite obvious, the live scene will put it into perspective and show just how mango makes some peoples’ behavior go ga-ga.

And of course, there are the amiable mango parties where there are baskets and buckets full of mangoes soaking away in ice and water, plentiful in number so that no-one’s in a hurry and a jolly mood prevails. A very popular poem by an Urdu poet, Akbar Illabadi, is much quoted on such occassions (and in my father’s case, after every meal)…

“Aisay zaroor hoan jinnhain rakh kar kha sakoon
Pukhta agar ho bees tou das khaam bhaijiyyay”

The poet is writing to his friend in another city to send him some mangoes and says,

“Do send some which I can save for later
If you send ten ripe ones then ten unripe ones please!”

Now, for a very unfitting end to this discussion but one, which I am sure, many Non-South Asians or those South Asians who were raised abroad would relate to. Mangoes are certainly a blessing from Allah(swt), a wonderous delight and beautifully versatile. However, to name a fruit the “King of Fruits” pushes it a little, especially to a person like me who loves so many fruits. It’s safe to say that mangoes, like all fruits, hold a special honor in the hearts of South Asians who feel (and rightly so) that they have the best varieities in the world. So, as a Pakistani, I’m all for the next mango party but do get me a basket full of watermelons, figs, grapes, bananas, peaches, plums and cherries from my home town in Saudi Arabia and that’s when I’ll go slightly ga-ga!

(The title’s lame-ish but ignore that for now…)

I’ve been thinking a lot about blogs and blogging lately… that sounds silly because I haven’t actually posted much here! See, that’s what I was thinking about – there’s so much that goes through a person’s mind, topics that are bloggable but strangely, when it comes down to the writing part, it suddenly seems a little difficult. Why? I think it’s because we tend to be very cautious when we’re actually penning, or typing details about our thoughts and opinions. As a cousin pointed out to me recently, it’s all about ‘Image Management’!  All the time we spend on the Internet, on sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Orkut and blogs – it’s all about projecting ourselves in the best way possible through carefully crafted profiles, images, status updates, blog posts, social groups, fan pages and so on. That’s right, it’s a PR exercise and no one wants to mess up their persona in public!

Not all would agree, I am sure. However, if you’re a blogger, I wonder if you’ve noticed this happening to you: you sit down to write or at some odd hour of the day, some topic comes to mind and you think, “yeah, I should definitely write something about that…” but then, another thought… “no… but if I mention that, people’s will think me strange or if I write that, I’m going to come across as a silly girl… um, maybe another time.” I don’t know about you but it’s happened to me lots of times and the result is that I end up writing on a “safe” topic, one where I’m quite certain I would not ignite a debate or raise any eyebrows. I don’t think that’s a good idea because doesn’t it defeat the whole concept of maintaining a blog, that you express your own ideas and thoughts freely? Of course, one must adhere to principles of decency and write responsibly and I’m not thinking of even approaching those limits, let alone cross them, but writing freely is the only way to write. Also, while we’re on the subject, I must say ‘writing freely’ can be used in positive ways, instead of all the nonsensical trash that comes to mind whenever someone mentions “freedom of speech” (and that trash is actually misusing “freedom of speech”).

There are some bloggers who have honed their blogging skills to the level that their blog now represents them 100% and I’ve discovered that’s the greatest achievment for a writer. Not only are their thoughts clearly expressed in their blog, it’s actually the whole experience – the occasional quirky joke, the ability to be sombre when it’s necessary and not over do any emotion – that counts for readers. I guess it’s something that you build up over time, making sure not to impose unnecessary inhibitions on yourself while writing. So, having realized this, I’m going to ease off on the brakes and let myself write with a greater degree of freedom. After all, I too want my blog to represent me 100% !

(The title’s still lame but I’m not removing it! )

You might have wondered, at some point, why I chose to name this blog, “Between Dusk and Dawn”. It’s not just something that I picked out of a hat, neither was it planned as a mystical name to capture the attention of readers. It’s not the title of any book or sonnet I know, nor any great work of art. And no, there’s no movie by that name either!

The answer is simple – I love the beautiful period of time between the setting of the sun and its next rising. As the sun sinks into the horizon, the sky takes on a myriad shades and hues to merge gracefully into the enchanting, velvety darkness of night. If you step outdoors or look out your window after Maghrib, you’ll find every moment a pleasure – something new to discover and enjoy. The stars peek between the fading brightness, then appear one after the other in quick succession until – before you know it – you’re looking at a masterpiece of art!

The night passes by smoothly, punctuated by the adhaan for Isha’a and soon, it is time for the true purpose of night to be fulfilled – sleep and rest. It’s amazing how, when you observe the creation of Allah at this time, it is silent and at peace with itself – eager to rejuvenate for the following day. Among mankind too, those who have the intellect and the insight to understand this natural order would know that there is great wisdom, the Wisdom of their Maker, in moving with this pattern of night and day. A few hours of sleep at night are worth more than double their measure during the day, as any person who suffers from insomnia, or has to work the night shift will tell you.

However, the most beautiful wonder of all in the nighttime has been highlighted innumerable times in the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet(saw). What is this blessed quality of night? It is the opportunity, the beauty and the absolute joy of being able to turn to Allah in quiet seclusion, with nothing to distract and no chores to perform. We read about Prophets in the Quran who stayed up in worship a part of the night and the Seerah of the Prophet(saw) records how he too prayed Tahajjud, along with his companions. The Quran even specifically instructed the Prophet(saw) to awaken for the night prayer and gave the reason for it too – to be able to worship in Allah without distractions.

O you wrapped in garments (i.e. Prophet Muhammad SAW)! Stand (to pray) all night, except a little. Half of it, or a little less than that (see verse 20). Or a little more; and recite the Qur’ân (aloud) in a slow, (pleasant tone and) style. Verily, We shall send down to you a weighty Word (i.e. obligations, legal laws, etc.). Verily, the rising by night (for Tahajjud prayer) is very hard and most potent and good for governing (the soul), and most suitable for (understanding) the Word (of Allâh). Verily, there is for you by day prolonged occupation with ordinary duties, And remember the Name of your Lord and devote yourself to Him with a complete devotion. (He Alone is) the Lord of the east and the west, Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). So take Him Alone as Wakîl (Disposer of your affairs). (Quran: Surah 73: Verses 1-9)

Why the emphasis on the nighttime though? In the last third of the night, the hours of Tahajjud, the night is almost completely silent and at its darkest too. In these hours, if one is awake, the heart very naturally softens towards prayer and worship. It becomes easier to reflect upon ones deeds and wonder about the Hereafter, the accountability before Allah. Prayers are made with sincerity, not like an automaton in a hurry to roll up the prayer mat and run off to study or work. And when the Quran is recited, it is a joy to see how only the Words of Allah ring through the otherwise silent night – something that is not possible during the daytime. Then, as Allah invites man to ponder and reflect upon His Words of guidance, the receptive heart feels the tug and wants to give up wrongdoing and just please his Master through only saying, thinking and doing what He commands. It is this feeling – a refreshment of Iman – that carries the person who offers Tahajjud and Fajr, through the day ahead, ready to face the challenges and tests set by Allah.

Do you still wonder that I love the night? There’s more – I love the merging of night into day and all the changes that herald the rising of the sun. The beauty of the night lingers until the sun lights up the land and then, it’s a different story altogether. For me, dawn symbolizes a new beginning – a second chance to do things differently, re-prioritize my life, and focus on the Hereafter through perfecting my actions and my intentions in this life. Every few days, I try to spend a few minutes just observing the world around me at the time of dawn and I realize that truly in the Statement of Allah is the Absolute Truth:

Verily! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, there are indeed Signs for men of understanding. (Quran: Surah 3: verse 190)

For those forgo their Fajr prayer and wake up just to drag themselves off to school or work, they lose out on the Pleasure of Allah through obeying Him, His reward and the great joy and peace that the last hours of the night bring. May Allah guide them before the sun sets on their lives to rise on a certain day… but that Day would not be a day for second chances. Arising for Fajr is thus full of blessings – peace, joy, the Pleasure of Allah, avoiding His Wrath and thus, being saved, if Allah Wills, from the Fire. There is no catch to this amazing offer, is there?

Verily, the Muttaqûn will be in the midst of Gardens and Springs (in the Paradise), Taking joy in the things which their Lord has given them. Verily, they were before this Muhsinûn .They used to sleep but little by night [invoking their Lord (Allâh)] and praying, with fear and hope. (Quran: Surah 51: 15-18)

O Allah guide us all towards You, Your Worship and give us the Tawfeeq to performs acts which You love for us, and the Tahajjud to come closer to You. And O Allah, make us consistent in our amal and accept our meager deeds from us. O Allah, save us from the disgrace and humiliation of the Day of Judgment through your Mercy. O Allah, we are not such that we deserve anything but it is your Mercy alone that can guide us, enable us to do righteous deeds, earn your pleasure to protect us from the Fire! O Allah, shower us with Your Guidance and Your Mercy! Aameen!

It is easy to talk about something or make tall claims without having experienced the situation we’re so confidently declaring our opinions about. In times of ease and comfort, when the going is good and the prospects are bright, it’s not difficult to say that I would certainly remain thankful and patient if unpleasant or trying times come my way. Then again, we learn from our experiences and realize the true meaning of all the theory we’d been learning.

I’d like to share one such experience here, which taught me a lot about how to practice effectively what I learned in theory. Very recently, I was single-mindedly focusing on something I dearly desired, a matter of great personal relevance. I hoped and hoped I would be blessed by what I desired such that I started weaving great ideas and dreams into the hope. Alhamdolillah, I remembered that Allah(swt) knew best what was good for me and I modified my ‘hope’ to include an additional line – “if it’s good for me”. I prayed that if what I wished was, in Allah(swt)’s Knowledge, not good for me at all, then let my wish not be fulfilled and further, that I may remain satisfied with not getting what I wanted.

Then, I discovered that this specific wish of mine could not be fulfilled and in one tiny moment, all the dreams and hopes came crashing down. It was a very crucial moment for me, a “test” as I’d later realize upon reflection. How would I react to this verdict? What would be my response in the moments following immediately? How would I deal with the emotional baggage? If past experience with “crashing dreams” was anything to go by, I’d probably go into a depressive state, crying often and lamenting in silence and aloud about how pathetic my life really is and that my joy, as I wanted, could never be realized.However, the guidance of Allah(swt) through the Knowledge of the Quran and the Sunnah is truly a miracle that needs to be experienced in the most testing times of your life, to realize how precious it is. I could not be so calm and natural had I not the guiding light of Allah(swt) to take me through this trial. Thus, I want to share this serene calm with you because I know every person has to go through such situations in their life… the best solution is to be prepared for it.

• The first reaction: It’s difficult, oh yes, but shut the lid on those swear words and expressions. Allah(swt) looks for our reactions the moment we encounter the trial – will we remain composed and utter only words that please Him? Or are we going to collapse in a bundle and forget Him entirely?
  
  The Prophet(saw) said, ‘No doubt, patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.’”  (Sahih Bukhari)
  
  Alhamdolillah and SubhanAllah, as well “Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhee Raji’oon” are the most beautiful words that Allah(swt) wants to hear from us.

  Salamah narrates: I heard the Messenger of Allah sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam say, “Any Muslim that says when a calamity befalls him that which Allah commanded him: To Allah we belong and to him we return. O Allah reward me in this calamity and give me better then it – (any Muslim that says this) Allah will grant him better than (that which he lost).” (Sahih Muslim)

• The moments following: I find this the most difficult part because here’s when the reality starts to sink in and the analysis begins. And this is the fork in the road, I discovered – if you choose the road of despair, you will end up in Despair Land but if you pause to take the road of Patience, with Allah(swt)’s Help, you’ll be in Peace Land very soon. I felt sad, which was a natural emotion and not contradictory to the concept of Sabr (patience) but I remembered that Allah(swt) had merely answered my prayer when I had asked for my wish not be fulfilled if it was harmful for me. It was a moment to thank Allah(swt) for averting disaster from my life and even though my weak heart was sad at not getting what I wanted, I knew I had to try and focus.I quickly made Wudhu and performed a Sajda (prostration) to Allah(swt). Feeling shaky and trouble still, I opened the Quran and read the first Surah that I saw. I recited the Quran, read the translation and reflected on it for a while, all the while trying to stay positive. Abu Suhayb ibn Sinaan narrated that the Prophet(saw) said: “How amazing is the case of the believer; there is good for him in everything, and this characteristic is exclusively for him alone. If he experiences something pleasant, he is thankful, and that is good for him; and if he comes across some diversity, he is patient, and that is good for him.” (Sahih Muslim)
• “Seek help in patience in prayer”:
  
  “O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salât (the prayer). Truly! Allâh is with As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.). ” (2:153)

  This ayah just came to my mind and, Alhamdolillah, this is just what I needed. Vowing not to cry or even dwell on what had happened, I did try to distract myself and, as Sabr entails, not let the distress show on my face. However, when I went to offer my Ishaa prayer I truly realized how important it is to seek Allah(swt)’s Help directly and clearly by letting all the emotion flow before him. Yes, I let some tears flow but Alhamdolillah, without sinking into negativity, which would be wrong. Satan does whisper negative thoughts, some of which even go as far as blaming Allah(swt) for not letting us have our way! Yes, such thoughts strayed into my head as well but Alhamdolillah, with Allah(swt)’s Help I cut them off as soon as they appeared. Crying is okay but keeping the focus on the positive by asking Allah(swt) for His Help in facing the test He set me so that I may pass with flying colours is what is important.

• Keep asking Allah(swt) for what you want: I did this too and this is what helped me the most Alhamdolillah! I cried a little but I again prayed to Allah(swt) and asked for something even better than what I had been aspiring for, something He Knows is out there somewhere. I asked for strength to bear with patience what He had decided for me and tried to remember to thank Him again and again for averting trouble from me.

• Remember the great favors of Allah(swt) on you: This is something which made me realize just how a “bad time” can be so beneficial that it can create a special bond between Allah(swt) and His slave. My Iman had been weak for the past few weeks but, as a result of this situation, I reflected properly on just how much Allah(swt) loved me. The very fact that I was imploring Him to bestow patience on me and offering my Ishaa prayer was because He had chosen to guide me towards His Way. There are many who are unaware of the very existence of Allah and many more Muslims who, despite being born into Islam, are unable to experience the fruits of their faith. Such reflection brought on a wave of gratitude and positivity which felt like a warm glow within me.

• Don’t dwell on what happened: Again, impossible as it may seem, there is no joy or solution to be derived from pointlessly dwelling upon what happened. “Ifs” and “buts” may offer alternative scenarios to dream up and think upon but they are oftentimes a trapdoor to despair – and such despair that keeps worsening, making return to normalcy increasingly difficult. I was tempted to dwell upon what had happened and even make up theories as to the “why” of the situation but Alhamdolillah, I was able to find distractions.

• The hope of tomorrow: Even now, as I calmly write this,  some part of my mind tells me that my optimistic hopes and prayers to Allah(swt) are not going to bear fruit but that’s a natural fear after being bruised. However, to say that “good” will definitely not happen is a great allegation on Allah(swt), Whose Mercy and Bounty have always given me better than I had ever dreamed. It’s only my limited and narrow vision that makes me forget all the good outcomes of such situations in the past and doubt the importance of “hoping again”. This is crucial – believe in Allah(swt) and leave your matters to Him, to be fulfilled in the right manner and at the right time, as He Sees fit.

• Pray for the reward of Sabr: Patience at the first stroke of the calamity, putting on a happy face when you’re sad and consciously putting a lid on the negativities is no easy job but when done for the sake of Allah(swt), His Pleasure and rewards makes the monumental task seem easier with every passing second.

  “And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fuits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones).” (2:155)

Writing this has further lessened the feeling of sadness in my heart and strengthened my resolve Alhamdolillah. This is the first time I was ever able to, by the Might of Allah(swt), to exercise patience in the right manner and this experience has taught me exactly what is expected of a Mo’min when confronted with a trial. It’s going to be a dynamic state, I know, because the heart keeps turning and changing… and so, the effort must continue untill I am able to fortify myself properly. It’s going to require conscious effort and most importantly, the Help of Allah(swt), to get on with my life… but then, who said we would be handed Paradise on a silver platter? =)

Allah says in the Qur’an:

Alif, Laam, Meem. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say, “We believe,” and will not be tested? Indeed We tested those who (lived) before them.” (Qur’an 29:1-3)